Octavia's dreams
by Perksofnotbeing
Summary: Lexa speaks to Octavia in her dreams. Post season 4 finale.


_Post season 4 finale, within the bunker.  
Lexa comes to Octavia in a dream._

* * *

Octavia had quickly felt a connection to the grounder's ways. Lincoln had certainly helped. She saw his kindness through the rough exterior, the loyalty he felt, even through the torture. Then, when Indra took her in as her second, she felt pride in herself. Pride is something that you don't really get a chance to experience when you're forced to pretend you don't exists your whole life.  
After being forced to live under the floor for years, she never felt particularly fond of the way things were done on the arc. Even after coming down to earth, she disagreed with a lot of the way sky crew did things but Bellamy, Raven, Clarke, all of them, they were after all, like family.  
So, when she fought on the conclave for the bunker, she couldn't just fight for one clan. In part because she didn't feel loyalty to just sky crew. Also, because she believed in giving all of them a fair chance to survive, specially in these dire believed in giving them a chance like the one she didn't get for 18 years. She did what she thought had to be done, for everyone.  
However, now that she wore the commander's decoration on her forehead and was bestowed the tittle of Heda, she realized how much Lexa must have felt the weight.  
The nights were always the hardest. she didn't sleep much, waking at any small sound. when she did sleep, she often woke startled by nightmares. Nightmares of lives she'd taken, and lives she was sure to take in the future.

Tonight, however, was different. This dream was oddly calm. She found herself walking through a forest, to the sounds of running water, the bright colors of berries and the refreshing greens of the leaves.  
How many years had it been since she'd stepped foot on grass. how long since she'd breathed fresh air? She walked aimlessly for a moment, enjoying this rare dream, until she saw somebody crouching over a creek in the distance.  
Octavia felt an immediate pull towards the figure as she closed the distance between them, her feet carrying her towards the creek almost automatically. When the figure started to come into focus, she noticed it was a girl with long brown hair cascading over her face. The girl was playing with the water in the creek, scooping it up in one hand and letting it fall through her fingers.  
Something made Octavia's memory jolt. Wrapped around the person's thigh, there was a knife with a dark brown handle and lined patterns on the blade.  
"Commander?" She half whispered.  
The girl turned to her at the sound of her name, a small smile appearing on her lips. She looked much younger without her dark war paint and heavy armor. She stood up, Octavia now a mere 10 feet away.  
"Octavia, I was wondering when you would come around."  
The person that stood in front of her was nothing like the commander she once knew. The girl was much lighter with her presence. She wore light brown pants and a long sleeve shirt. Her hair was loose around her face, save for a few small braids.  
"I don't have much use for it lately." the commander said, as if answering a question.  
Octavia hadn't even realized her eyes had stayed on the dagger.  
Lexa unhitched it from her thigh and twirled it around in her hand playfully.  
This was a side of the commander Octavia had never seen.  
"where are we?" Octavia questioned.  
"Your dreams, is what would make the most sense." Lexa shrugged lightly. "Your dreams or another realm." She stepped away form the creek and found a seat near Octavia on a rock.

"This feels very real."Octavia's eyes scan the clear mirror like water, and the trees reflected on it. "It's nice to see the sky. It's been a while."  
The commander takes a deep breath in, nodding in agreement.  
"You know, you can call me Lexa if you want." Lexa reaches down and picks up a handful of dirt, rubbing it between her index and thumb. "Sorry, I can hear your thoughts, it's hard not to be intrusive."  
"you can hear my thoughts?" Octavia asks, surprised.  
"well, technically if this is a dream, then I am an extension of your subconscious." Lexa says, matter-of-factly. Octavia responds with a light shrug and sits next to Lexa.  
"So why am I here comman- uh, Lexa. It isn't often that I have dreams like this, it's usually-"  
"Nightmares." Lexa continues for her. "Yeah, I remember."  
"You know, I can't think of a better person to bare it though. Except, you know, maybe ME, but I'm dead."  
Octavia laughs out loud at this.  
"I know this is my subconscious' version of you but, you're actually making jokes?"  
Lexa shrugs, picking up a couple pebbles and throwing them into the water.  
Octavia didn't always agree with the choices Lexa made while she was commander, but she did respect her and value her leadership, most of the or not, it was nice to get restaurant words from a great leader.  
Lexa continues, "You've made good choices. You lead with your head and just enough of your heart. Allowing some people from every clan to stay in the bunker was smart. Good thinking. This way you will have the knowledge of all the clans once you're back on earth, and it shows people you are a just leader. Plus, you also gave them hope."  
"Thank you."  
Octavia reaches for her forehead, feeling the spot where her decoration sits. Lexa smiles.  
"There's something I need to warm you about, unfortunately."  
Octavia had a feeling this had to have a downside.  
"Hard times are coming. I know it's been a hard time throughout but, New battles, people who come with no intentions of negotiating. Try to remember, no leader ever does things alone. Allow the help and advice of people closest to you but always trust your instincts."  
Octavia lets out a humorless laugh. "I guess I better enjoy this nice serene scene while I can, huh?"  
watching the commander sit next to her, her thoughts go to the last time she saw her, before her death. Which leads her thoughts to Clarke. She remembers her harsh words to her that day, before they were to leave polis.  
"Clarke," Lexa says, startling Octavia. "Yes, well, you probably won't remember this part when you wake but perhaps it'll give your subconscious some peace of mind. She is alive. Her, Bellamy, Raven. Most of them are, and you will see them again."  
The twinkle of hope is unmistakable when the girl hears her brothers name, her brother and her friends. These years on earth had forced her to be smart with her emotions but here, in this little piece of paradise, she felt safe to feel.  
A light breeze carries a moment of silence comfortably.  
"This isn't just a Dream, is it commander?"  
Lexa smiles. "Old habits die hard, huh?"  
"Take it however you think will help, Octavia. Past commanders used to speak to me in my dreams and I always chose to listen."

"Can I ask you, do you visit Clarke in her dreams?" The Commander turns her eyes from the creek, back to Octavia, at the mention of Clarke.  
"Because I know it's been an infinite amount of days since... but, Lincoln. I wish I dreamt of him more. When I'm awake, he's always there, on the back of my mind, but I don't dream with him."  
"I do." Lexa fiddles with the butt of her knife a bit as it hangs from its strap. "And I also wish I could have stayed a little longer. the way you wish of Lincoln."  
Octavia feels for the commander.

"She's strong as ever," Lexa continues, a certain dreamy smile on her face. "radiant. without the weight of leading her people. But, she was destined to be a great leader." Lexa stares off into the distance, a sad grin on her lips. "same as you."  
Octavia doesn't say anything, just continues to stare at the commander, watching the spark in her eyes as she speaks of Clarke.  
"She spends her day looking after a child. a night blood child." Lexa continues, an actual smile taking over her sad eyes. "She tells me that she reminds her of me. it's easy to be open when you think you are dreaming."  
a moment passes in silence, Octavia taking in the image of Clarke raising a child.

"Meditate." The commander breaks the silence, changing the subject. "Meditate to ease your mind and perhaps you'll find solace in your dreams instead of anguish."  
Octavia nods, taking in the advice.  
"you know, It's odd to see you without all your commander gear."  
Lexa smiles and stands up facing Octavia. She opens her arms and in a flash she's back to her old get up. Armor, war paint, long sword hanging from her side.  
"Yeah... like that." Octavia whispers, taken back by the change.  
In another instant, Lexa is back to her relaxed clothing, and small dagger.  
"I like it better this way," she smiles sitting back down. "and so does Clarke. When I visit her, in her dreams, she tells me. She tells me how she wishes we'd have more time, too. She wishes she'd have more time to see me like this."  
Lexa's eyes light up again.  
Octavia leans her head back breathing in the sky, thoughts of Lincoln flooding her mind.  
"Octavia," Lexa sighs, staring off into the trees. "we will all get another chance. Lincoln and you, you'll meet again, in another life, a better life. And I'll find Clarke again. We'll get it all."  
Lexa takes her dagger out of it's holder and reaches over, handing it to Octavia. "I hope you don't have to use it as much as I did."  
Octavia thanks her.  
"I think it's time for you to wake up now." Lexa Octavia a reassuring smile before she says. "May we meet again."

In a moment the forest fades and Octavia is back in her quarters, blinking her surroundings into focus.  
There's a knocking at her door, so she sits up calling out a "yes?".  
Indra steps inside as Octavia swings her self off the bed and stands.

"Octavia, you never sleep this long." Indra gives her a curious look. "we've got matters to discuss."  
Octavia nods, trying to remember her dream as it quickly fades from her memory. She remembers Lexa, and a forest… Indra brings her back to the present moment by clearing her throat.  
"Before we proceed with today's matters, I have something for you."  
She pulls out something wrapped in cloth from her pocket. Octavia looks at her puzzled and takes the object as Indra extends it out to her.  
"I held onto it for a long time after…" She trails off, not finishing her sentence. "but I think it's best you have it."  
Octavia unfolds the pieces of cloth and sees a dagger staring back at her. Brown handle, patterned blade and the last scene of her dream comes rushing back to her.

"Lexa." She whispers.


End file.
